Oh Ms Hailey...

I'm learning not to get too arrogant with this whole parenting business. I was feeling pretty good, Hailey has been sleeping through the night between 6-9 hours a night, nursing has been going well we had a rough patch but we're good now and she's been great during the day. Then Tuesday happened.

Probably one of the most frustrating, stressful, challenging days that I've had since I've changed my diet. She was fussy the whole time Br

ad was at work until about 5:00. Then the tears began to flow and the cries started to get louder and last longer. My night was filled with her volume on full blast screaming and crying in my ear. I did everything I knew how to do and nothing worked. I sang, rocked, swayed, begged...I tried the bouncer, with and without a blanket, music and that wonderful vibrator. She did NOT like that. So let's try the swing...nope...ok maybe she just wants to be held...nope....ok so I'll put her down. That only made her worse. I was so frustrated I just put her in her bed, closed the door and had a little cry myself in our bedroom begging God to grant me patience and strength to get through the night until Brad would come home. I thought I could handle it but I kept watching the clock and I could have swore time was not moving. How can my precious little angel scream so loudly for no apparent reason!! She cried so much she made herself hoarse. I felt so terrible that I couldn't comfort her and help her calm down.

I'm learning that each day is different, I can't expect her to act a certain way or react the same way that she did before. I am trying to create a routine in the morning and mornings are normally her best part of the day. Overall I know that we are so lucky to have her sleeping through the night already and each night that I get more then 5 hours uninterrupted I consider a blessing and don't take for granted.

My brain still isn't functioning at full capacity that's for sure but these last few weeks have been wonderful to get so much sleep.

It's so hard not to feel like a failure when I can't help her. When ever she cries I always think...what did I eat, is this my fault? What am I doing wrong??? But I am learning what cries mean what, what positions she likes to be held in, although I think this is changing. She's just started to figure out how to laugh and I LOVE to hear her precious little voice every chance I get. Even Kosmo is doing great with her. One point I had her in her crib, she was crying - I was trying the 'self soothing' idea and he pushed the door open and barked. He always comes running when she starts crying if she's alone, so amazing.

I am so thankful for every day that I get with her and I don't take my being at home with her for granted. Being a mom is such an honor and a blessing. Even when she screams all night for me, when I go into her room in the morning and start talking to her, as soon as she sees me she has a big smile across her face, some days it's hard not to start crying just looking at her. I am so thankful that the Lord has blessed us with her.

I've learnt that I can get ready for church in under 30 min. I have the fastest showers now even when I'm "taking my time", I am always moving as fast as I can just in case she needs me. My sister in law said you'll wonder what you did with all of that free time...she was right :)

Brad and I have become much more mobile. We are trying to take her every where and Hailey has already spent a lot of time in the gym. She doesn't even flinch when a buzzer goes off or when a basketball is bounced near her, oh are little gym rat in the making.