State Fair Fun

I hope she knows one day how beautiful she is! She loved spending time at the State Fair this year. That's why she's sportin' the apron and bucket :)

Dinosaur Train

Hailey discovered a new show...Dinosaur Train. So while daddy was away last week I busted out my inner artist. Can't you tell?

God's Will

When our immigration madness first started happening 4 years ago I was constantly stressed out. I kept praying and crying out to God to just please show me your will! I begged and pleaded with the Lord but still nothing. We went through crazy ups and downs and I constantly struggled with "where does God want us to be" and why the heck is He so silent on this...it's kind of a big deal. I can definetly say my communication with the Lord was great during that time!

The Lord spoke to us in a powerful way three years ago when we had to leave our home and live with my parents for 4 months and I felt confident (kinda) leaving knowing the big guy upstairs has this whole mess under control. When we got there I was tense and angry every day. Dreading opening up my email with a bad message from immigration. One morning I woke up and got on my knees and just wept before the Lord and asked Him to please end it, to tell us that day. I just begged and poured my heart out to Him. Then it happened. We got the visa we needed. I was shocked. I had prepared myself for a no. Brad and I struggled with what to do, where to go again. We had lost sight of God answering our first prayer for the visa that we felt He wasn't answering our new prayers of where He wanted us to be.

Once again the begging, crying, anger and confusion set in. Why isn't God answering my cries for help? Why is he so silent. All I want is His direction. I decided to start a study on the book of Isaiah; there God gave me a scripture "whether you turn to the right or to the left, you will hear a voice saying 'this is the way, walk in it". I felt the Lord's peace with that verse rest on my soul and we returned to Brownsburg in October.

Now we find ourselves waiting again, me begging God again to just finish this mess and get it over with. I feel more prepared this time though. I recognize God is in control, I'm just eager to here what he's got planned for our future. But it just hit me the other day, finally, that I don't need to keep begging God to show me His will because we are living in it right now. Brad confirmed that lesson when he told me he learned the same thing when reading Francis Chan's book Forgotten God. I need to change my prayers from asking God for an answer to asking God for patience for me and peace while we wait.

Another lesson learned...courtesy of US Immigration :)

Patient Pants

It never crossed my mind that I wasn't patient, I just assumed that I was. I felt I had patience oozing out of me when she was first born. I could handle her crying for hours and not loose it. But now I find myself praying for an extra serving of it from the good Lord almost every morning.

Hailey has recently figured out how loud she can screech for no reason randomly throughout the day. I feel like my ears are beside a loud speaker at a concert when she's done. As annoying as it is, most of the time its hard not to laugh. She cracks me up every day. She makes hilarous faces while eating dinner and of course tests the limits to see how far she can push the food out of her mouth or how far she can jam her fingers down her throat since yours truly reacted to her liking the first time she did that. She now pretends to gag all the time. My heart about came out of my chest the first few times she did it.

When she gets really impatient and starts whining I tell her to put her patient pants on. When she was younger we used to dance around to our made up patient pants song, now she just shimmey's her shoulders. If only her mother could dance then she'd have some real good moves in her repertoire by now.

Once again the lessons I'm trying to teach my little girl are currently what I'm struggling to get. I'm feeling really anxious and impatient about our Greencard/Visa process. We are waiting to hear about our Visa extension and of course it's taking forever to find out, we have 15 business days to find out and its now the 14/15 day and still no word. I think among the MANY lessons this Greencard process has taught me it's to be patient, wait on the Lord and His timing. BUT I still find myself obsessing over it in my mind, going over potential scenerios and just feeling like I'm going to pop if I don't find out soon. You think I'd learn by now but nope, still learning and still trying to relax.

Perhaps I should put my patient pants on again today, keep my head down and keep praying.

Speaking the truth

We recently had a rough past few weeks. Life seemed to be just perfect. I even think I made that comment to Brad while we were eating breakfast. But life happened and we went through a really painful experience. So many emotions swung wickedly through my head and heart. I was angry, sad, hurt and just plain wounded. But how I reacted this time suprised me. I normally cry out to God, begging him to change the situation, to just hurry up and fix it and make me better. I normally focus all my energy on how unfair it all is. After reading through Francis Chan's book Crazy Love and being inspired by Brad I tried to tackle this pain differently. I was trying to allow myself to feel the pain rather then run away from it and live in denial but also try and praise the Lord in the same breath. At my low moments praising Him was the last thing I could think of but I kept thinking I need to focus on how much good stuff God has given us and blessed us with. The reality of what happened slapped me in the face every morning for about a week while I tried to accept what had happened. I kept praying Lord be glorified some how through this, I don't know how you will be but please us it. I started every morning with that prayer.

I don't want this trial to go to waste, I want to be better from this I want to strive to let His love still shine through me when all I feel like is curling up in a ball and hiding from everyone. How can I not appreciate God's beauty and His amazing, intricate plan for our lives. I can't consistently live so short sighted..

My parents friend lost his battle with a few diseases not too long ago and we heard his wife was just desperately crying out to the Lord to save her husband and praying scripture over him. It brought me to my knees for him and his family and also got us talking and thinking. How would we react to something this painful. Would we have the courage and strength to pray Lord let your will be done? I mean if I really actually think what that prayer means I'm not so fast to pray it. That kind of surrender is so hard to reach.

I choose to "praise the Lord anyway" as my dad would say and try and release my heart to the Lord to go to work on me. I want nothing more then to be a women of God and have his hand print on my heart. I know the tears and heartache will turn to scars and we will become stronger and hopefully more compassionate and aware of others around us through this.

Imagination

Hailey and I were playing trains on the floor and our dog Kosmo walked by. Trying to use my imagination...its a little rusty...I said "hi kosmo would you like to play trains with us?" Thinking this would get Hailey excited. But she stopped, looked at me and said "Kosmo has no hands mom". Oh well, I tried.

Some of my favorite sayings currently from Hailey are:

1. Hold on mom - she repeats this constantly while she's busy doing what she's doing
2. Be right back - as she holds up her hand towards me
3. Lucky Ducky - doesn't sound like that but its still cute
4. Ta bit - Could be Thomas or Kosmo
5. Miss you - she said this the other day while talking to my parents on oovoo. It melted my heart as I'm sure it did theres. I didn't even have to tell her to say it.
6. Daddy I went poop in the potty, come look at my poop and wipe my bum bum. This one I really enjoy, I love that she's more excited to show her daddy then me!