We recently had a rough past few weeks. Life seemed to be just perfect. I even think I made that comment to Brad while we were eating breakfast. But life happened and we went through a really painful experience. So many emotions swung wickedly through my head and heart. I was angry, sad, hurt and just plain wounded. But how I reacted this time suprised me. I normally cry out to God, begging him to change the situation, to just hurry up and fix it and make me better. I normally focus all my energy on how unfair it all is. After reading through Francis Chan's book Crazy Love and being inspired by Brad I tried to tackle this pain differently. I was trying to allow myself to feel the pain rather then run away from it and live in denial but also try and praise the Lord in the same breath. At my low moments praising Him was the last thing I could think of but I kept thinking I need to focus on how much good stuff God has given us and blessed us with. The reality of what happened slapped me in the face every morning for about a week while I tried to accept what had happened. I kept praying Lord be glorified some how through this, I don't know how you will be but please us it. I started every morning with that prayer.
I don't want this trial to go to waste, I want to be better from this I want to strive to let His love still shine through me when all I feel like is curling up in a ball and hiding from everyone. How can I not appreciate God's beauty and His amazing, intricate plan for our lives. I can't consistently live so short sighted..
My parents friend lost his battle with a few diseases not too long ago and we heard his wife was just desperately crying out to the Lord to save her husband and praying scripture over him. It brought me to my knees for him and his family and also got us talking and thinking. How would we react to something this painful. Would we have the courage and strength to pray Lord let your will be done? I mean if I really actually think what that prayer means I'm not so fast to pray it. That kind of surrender is so hard to reach.
I choose to "praise the Lord anyway" as my dad would say and try and release my heart to the Lord to go to work on me. I want nothing more then to be a women of God and have his hand print on my heart. I know the tears and heartache will turn to scars and we will become stronger and hopefully more compassionate and aware of others around us through this.
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