Fall

It's official, I've finally embraced fall and all the yummy treats and freezing cold weather that it brings. As usual in Indiana we went from 91 to the 50s over night and fall is here! I'm glad we can be outside with out slopping on the sunscreen and trying to find a pool to crash.

So I kicked off my acceptance and made these, pumpkin ginger mini muffins. I normally put a little bit of cream cheese icing on the top but this time around they don't even need it. Hailey was a great helper yesterday and "baked" with mommy and made these for daddy. She even goppled down a few, constantly saying "mmmm good muffins".

I'm a recent addict to Pinterest and it seems to be taking over my down time at night, especially if football is on :) I've discovered crafts for Hailey that I may even be able to do...time will tell though.

Our first craft that we'll do hopefully later today comes from this blog that I found on Pinterest. It looks easy enough right?

State Fair Fun

I hope she knows one day how beautiful she is! She loved spending time at the State Fair this year. That's why she's sportin' the apron and bucket :)

Dinosaur Train

Hailey discovered a new show...Dinosaur Train. So while daddy was away last week I busted out my inner artist. Can't you tell?

God's Will

When our immigration madness first started happening 4 years ago I was constantly stressed out. I kept praying and crying out to God to just please show me your will! I begged and pleaded with the Lord but still nothing. We went through crazy ups and downs and I constantly struggled with "where does God want us to be" and why the heck is He so silent on this...it's kind of a big deal. I can definetly say my communication with the Lord was great during that time!

The Lord spoke to us in a powerful way three years ago when we had to leave our home and live with my parents for 4 months and I felt confident (kinda) leaving knowing the big guy upstairs has this whole mess under control. When we got there I was tense and angry every day. Dreading opening up my email with a bad message from immigration. One morning I woke up and got on my knees and just wept before the Lord and asked Him to please end it, to tell us that day. I just begged and poured my heart out to Him. Then it happened. We got the visa we needed. I was shocked. I had prepared myself for a no. Brad and I struggled with what to do, where to go again. We had lost sight of God answering our first prayer for the visa that we felt He wasn't answering our new prayers of where He wanted us to be.

Once again the begging, crying, anger and confusion set in. Why isn't God answering my cries for help? Why is he so silent. All I want is His direction. I decided to start a study on the book of Isaiah; there God gave me a scripture "whether you turn to the right or to the left, you will hear a voice saying 'this is the way, walk in it". I felt the Lord's peace with that verse rest on my soul and we returned to Brownsburg in October.

Now we find ourselves waiting again, me begging God again to just finish this mess and get it over with. I feel more prepared this time though. I recognize God is in control, I'm just eager to here what he's got planned for our future. But it just hit me the other day, finally, that I don't need to keep begging God to show me His will because we are living in it right now. Brad confirmed that lesson when he told me he learned the same thing when reading Francis Chan's book Forgotten God. I need to change my prayers from asking God for an answer to asking God for patience for me and peace while we wait.

Another lesson learned...courtesy of US Immigration :)

Patient Pants

It never crossed my mind that I wasn't patient, I just assumed that I was. I felt I had patience oozing out of me when she was first born. I could handle her crying for hours and not loose it. But now I find myself praying for an extra serving of it from the good Lord almost every morning.

Hailey has recently figured out how loud she can screech for no reason randomly throughout the day. I feel like my ears are beside a loud speaker at a concert when she's done. As annoying as it is, most of the time its hard not to laugh. She cracks me up every day. She makes hilarous faces while eating dinner and of course tests the limits to see how far she can push the food out of her mouth or how far she can jam her fingers down her throat since yours truly reacted to her liking the first time she did that. She now pretends to gag all the time. My heart about came out of my chest the first few times she did it.

When she gets really impatient and starts whining I tell her to put her patient pants on. When she was younger we used to dance around to our made up patient pants song, now she just shimmey's her shoulders. If only her mother could dance then she'd have some real good moves in her repertoire by now.

Once again the lessons I'm trying to teach my little girl are currently what I'm struggling to get. I'm feeling really anxious and impatient about our Greencard/Visa process. We are waiting to hear about our Visa extension and of course it's taking forever to find out, we have 15 business days to find out and its now the 14/15 day and still no word. I think among the MANY lessons this Greencard process has taught me it's to be patient, wait on the Lord and His timing. BUT I still find myself obsessing over it in my mind, going over potential scenerios and just feeling like I'm going to pop if I don't find out soon. You think I'd learn by now but nope, still learning and still trying to relax.

Perhaps I should put my patient pants on again today, keep my head down and keep praying.

Speaking the truth

We recently had a rough past few weeks. Life seemed to be just perfect. I even think I made that comment to Brad while we were eating breakfast. But life happened and we went through a really painful experience. So many emotions swung wickedly through my head and heart. I was angry, sad, hurt and just plain wounded. But how I reacted this time suprised me. I normally cry out to God, begging him to change the situation, to just hurry up and fix it and make me better. I normally focus all my energy on how unfair it all is. After reading through Francis Chan's book Crazy Love and being inspired by Brad I tried to tackle this pain differently. I was trying to allow myself to feel the pain rather then run away from it and live in denial but also try and praise the Lord in the same breath. At my low moments praising Him was the last thing I could think of but I kept thinking I need to focus on how much good stuff God has given us and blessed us with. The reality of what happened slapped me in the face every morning for about a week while I tried to accept what had happened. I kept praying Lord be glorified some how through this, I don't know how you will be but please us it. I started every morning with that prayer.

I don't want this trial to go to waste, I want to be better from this I want to strive to let His love still shine through me when all I feel like is curling up in a ball and hiding from everyone. How can I not appreciate God's beauty and His amazing, intricate plan for our lives. I can't consistently live so short sighted..

My parents friend lost his battle with a few diseases not too long ago and we heard his wife was just desperately crying out to the Lord to save her husband and praying scripture over him. It brought me to my knees for him and his family and also got us talking and thinking. How would we react to something this painful. Would we have the courage and strength to pray Lord let your will be done? I mean if I really actually think what that prayer means I'm not so fast to pray it. That kind of surrender is so hard to reach.

I choose to "praise the Lord anyway" as my dad would say and try and release my heart to the Lord to go to work on me. I want nothing more then to be a women of God and have his hand print on my heart. I know the tears and heartache will turn to scars and we will become stronger and hopefully more compassionate and aware of others around us through this.

Imagination

Hailey and I were playing trains on the floor and our dog Kosmo walked by. Trying to use my imagination...its a little rusty...I said "hi kosmo would you like to play trains with us?" Thinking this would get Hailey excited. But she stopped, looked at me and said "Kosmo has no hands mom". Oh well, I tried.

Some of my favorite sayings currently from Hailey are:

1. Hold on mom - she repeats this constantly while she's busy doing what she's doing
2. Be right back - as she holds up her hand towards me
3. Lucky Ducky - doesn't sound like that but its still cute
4. Ta bit - Could be Thomas or Kosmo
5. Miss you - she said this the other day while talking to my parents on oovoo. It melted my heart as I'm sure it did theres. I didn't even have to tell her to say it.
6. Daddy I went poop in the potty, come look at my poop and wipe my bum bum. This one I really enjoy, I love that she's more excited to show her daddy then me!

Potty Training

Oh the joys of potty training. The idea of being free from diapers, lifting a 30 pound kid onto a changing table enticed us enough to begin. I kept putting it off but finally took the first step when my diapers ran out. I was told to be prepared for lots of messes, to not leave the house for 2 weeks and to put her on the potty every 20 minutes. Not a problem. Doesn't sound that bad. Game on.

Hailey was always interested in sitting on the potty, (pre training) it was fun and why not, she got a sticker and an m&m after. M&M's worked for a while but they soon lost their effectivness. Stickers are always fun but didn't motivate her enough to keep it going. The first few days were tiring, felt like all we did was sit on the toilet but she took care of busines every time she sat down. Then finally one day 'it' happened. Brad and I were eating lunch, then she padded off to the bathroom, informing daddy of what she was about to do. Shortly after one of us did a potty dance with Hailey celebrating a big victory; I won't say who :)

I started thinking, this is awesome, it only took us a few days, she's got it. Um nope. Something changed and she started peeing in my office right in front of me and not holding anything in. Ugh! We were at a lose, I thought my doughnut strategy was working but I was wrong and my creative juices had trickeled to a stop. What else could I do to help motivate this little girly to get excited about being a big girl?

I recently searched "train" on netflix and I stumbled across this show called "Dinosar Train". She LOVES it. It's really short and there aren't many episodes but it's her new favorite. We also went to the pool with our friends and her daughter had a purple and pink dinosar. So I went to the dollar store, bought her a few cheap toys and wrapped them up. I didn't have enough to wrap her new dinosar so I thought that was ok. Nope, bad move mom. The tail and head stuck out and it tortured poor Hailey for a day and a half. She had a tantrum on the toilet because she wanted to poop so badly to get that dinosar. I felt terrible so I thought I'll just move it that'll make it better...yet another terrible idea from mommy. This started a full blown tantrum with her on the toilet. Poor girl. Finally she achieved her goal and she has been kissing and hugging that dinosar all day, she's even sleeping with it.

So we are on the up swing and I hope it keeps getting better. She's tested us and I almost quit and bought more diapers but I just couldn't do it. I tasted the freedom and I liked it.

Balancing game

We've entered the world of tantrums. I thought when she was around 18 months that she was throwing tantrums but I really had no idea and I'm sure when I reflect back on her 3rd birthday I'll laugh at what I thought was a tantrum again.

Hailey pulls out all the stops, arching her back, throwing her head back, water works, red face, screaming, kicking, throwing, hitting. All the wonderful things I assumed they were about. At least she's not letting me down.

I know this is normal and she will outgrow it...as long as we discipline her appropriately. But some times I just feel so helpless. I want to make sure I'm responding correctly and out of love but firm. I don't want her to think she can get away with everything. Such a delicate balance I feel that I have to walk.

I'm learning. She's learning. She knows she can test me and try and creep out of her corner. This evokes a finger pointing from her mom and a "get back in that corner". Her response is to smile and giggle. I think she has graduating up from the corner to her crib on her next crazy tantrum she just doesn't know it yet. The corner can no longer contain her.

She even hits me and tells me she needs to go in another time out. Like it's something fun to do. I keep telling her when she is nice she doesn't have to go in there, only when she hits mommy. We always explain to her afterwards by crouching down and asking her if she understands why she was in the time out; so she crouches down and tells us why, says she's sorry then gives us a hug.

So quickly she forgets and moves on. So quickly my patience tank fills back up. I never knew how much I struggled with patience until she hit 2. I'm not the only mom to want to do her best and feel like I've failed on a daily basis I know, but it's hard not to beat yourself up some days for not responding or acting just right all the time. That would mean I was perfect I know and of course I'm not. I just want the best for her, for me to be the best mom I can be providing the balance of love and discipline.

On a sweet note, I was praying with Hailey in my arms before a nap or bed time I can't remember and at times I've held her cheeks in my hands and kissed her cheeks. So that day she put her little chubby fingers on my cheeks and kissed both my cheeks...with the sound effects. How quickly she learns the bad stuff (like mommy saying shoot!) and the sweet stuff...the delicate touch of her fingers and the adorable little kisses.

She continues to melt my heart every day.

2 Years Old

I've been on a bit of a break from this blog. I'm terrible for keeping it up but very loyal in reading everyone elses blogs. So I thought I'd try this again.

Hailey celebrated her second birthday this past Saturday with some close friends. She was loving life playing with her friends Oscar and Jaxson. She played hard for 4 hours and loved every minute of it. She ate her chocolate cake like a lady with her fork...crazy I know. She was so happy with the purple, pink and blue ballons that her daddy bought her. That's all she asked for. Life is good when your two!

Hard to believe she is two already. The first year of her life went by a little slowly but this second year flew by. She took her first steps June 11, I only remember because that was the opening day of world cup and we had her in her soccer uniform that Nana and Papa Mac bought her from England. She's talking a mile a minute, I think only we can understand most of it but once you spend a little time with her you catch on pretty quick. She's still busting out crazy facial expressions which I think might come from her Papa Mac.

Her personality is shining through more and more. Not sure if this is a toddler thing but I joke around and say I think I've figured out her love language already...quality time! She's not one for cuddling or touching but she loves your full attention ALL the time. In fact she'll actually say "no touch" That's my girl!

She will play by herself but she'd rather have some one sitting beside her. This past year Brad and I both felt guilty about being on our phones around her so we try and put them away while she's around. She's old enough now that she'll just be extra loud until you put it down. Now if I'm on it I just tell her what I'm doing so she knows I'm not ignoring her.

She still has no patience. I always tell her to put her patient pants on so she does a little dance and tries to say patient pants, that works about 50% of the time but I'll take it! I'm hoping this is a toddler thing but I have a feeling its partly her personality. I've discovered I'm not the most patient mommy every. I actually pray every day for the Lord to grant me patience and maybe be more patient with me as I struggle. It's funny, when she was 3 months old and would cry and cry forever I could handle that but it's harder to have patience for whinning for no reason. Parenting would be too easy if I was patient I think.

She loves to watch movies and read her books. Nana Mac bought her a Thomas book over Spring break and we read all five stories at least 2-3 times a day. I love that she loves to read. I remember when I was pregnant one of the things I was looking forward to most was spending time reading together. Now we can spend forever just sitting in her chair, rocking and reading.

This time last year she was freaked out about grass and actually anything but carpet. Now she loves to run around in the yard and play in the garage.

We're so blessed to have such a beautiful little girl. She cracks me up daily and we love to watch her just LOVE life. She loves to dance still, now we dance around to some worship music Nana Ogden bought her. She'll even go get some shakers out or pat her knees.

Life is good. We're so blessed and I thank the good Lord for that every day!